I’m a Little Uncool and I’m a Little Uncouth

So, life can be a bit of a jokester sometimes. I am naturally a very bubbly, social, and optimistic person, but I’ve got a little secret. I suffer from obsessive-compulsive disorder. I know what you may be thinkin’ but nope, I am not amazingly organized (I wish) and you won’t find a clean freak here (sorry, honey)! Instead, I often find myself struggling intrusive thoughts that send me into a vicious cycle of worry, fear, and doubt (ya know, if I leave the Christmas lights on when we’re not home the house WILL burn down). That’s a pretty lame joke, life.

After a major anxiety attack two years ago, my OCD kicked into high gear. I was constantly in my head, not really present in my day-to-day life. I was avoiding certain social situations, purchasing ridiculous things I didn’t need, and checking alllllllll the things in many failed attempts to ease my worry. I felt like a total freak and I refused to say a word about it to anyone. It wasn’t until a close friend of mine opened up about her OCD on her blog, that I was able to open up about mine. I asked her a million questions and it immediately made me feel human again. A flawed, anxious human, but a great hugger!

Starting this blog has been a huge step forward in combating the things that trigger my anxiety. It meant I’d be putting myself in the spotlight, whether it is having photos taken in public (talk about awkward) to networking with other like-minded influencers or businesses (what do I do with my hands?). I’m still learning to be comfortable in my own skin and if you’re reading this, feeling like there couldn’t be a person out there that understands you, I encourage you to speak up. Ask questions. Get the answers that you deserve. I pinky promise you’re not alone.

This is all a huge learning experience for me and I am so happy to finally share a tiny piece of my story with you. I have great days and I have some days that are the worst. On the upside, at least I know my doors are always locked, the garage door is closed, and I’m on top of it if there is any combustible gas in my home.

Life on a Dot | Pittsburgh Fashion and Lifestyle Blog

About the Look: Stripe Racerback Crop Top, Forever 21 /// Sorbet All Day Skirt, ModCloth /// Ready for Anything Heels, ModCloth /// Purse, Spanish Dutch Convey in St. Augustine, FL /// Heart Shaped Sunnies, Minx Boutique in Asheville, NC /// Sephora Lip Cream Stain in Forever Fuchsia

P.S. This little darling, Natalie, featured me on her blog The Moon Moth! Check her out.

Photos by my bestie, Lindsey, at Electric Lime Studios.

10 Replies to “I’m a Little Uncool and I’m a Little Uncouth”

  1. I applaud your bravery Kim. I can relate (xmas lights & gas). Lots of little things set me off. I’ve dealt with my depression for the most part and now in my old age I am working on my stress which leads to anger.. which is predominately inward. I do get picked at for my OCD and germ-a-phobia.. but i think it helps me keep it all in check. All you can do is be proactive and never Lose hope.

    1. Thank you for sharing, Josh! I am happy to not suffer from depression and am learning how to best keep my OCD and anxiety in check. Like I mentioned in my post, when it is bad it is BAD, but a lot of times I’ve learned to rationalize my thoughts, keep busy or exercise it out. Having an amazing support system helps so much. I am sad to hear that you’re suffering and if you ever want to chat, you know where to find me!

  2. Kim, Regan has had severe OCD since she was 15. We had to get babysitters when we went out because she would get stuck in the bathroom or doing dishes until we came home. She has had all the help available and can now manage it. Well enough to not need a babysitter and to go to work. Heaven help someone who moves something on her desk. I don’t have OCD but have lived with it 20 years. I am really good at helping on the bad days (yep still doing it) so call if you need me.

    1. Thank you so much, Jen! I feel lucky that it doesn’t totally consume me ALL the time. There is something everyday, but not everything sends me into a panic or meltdown. I am happy to hear she has learned to manage her OCD and if I am ever having a bad day it is nice to know I have someone to go to!

  3. Thank you for sharing your story Kim, It really helps me to realize we all have our inner demons so to speak. I am dealing with depression, anxiety and mainly social anxiety. It is rough as it’s almost like I have a fear of people! I am working on it though and things are slowly getting better. xx

    1. Natalie, I think it is so important to be open about mental health. ANYONE can suffer and it seems those that do are afraid to discuss it. Thank you so much for sharing your struggle here, you’re not alone in this and if you ever need anything please do reach out!

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